So many of these stories seem like a repetition of my own with different timelines. She was always giving excuses about being tired, it’s too late, too early, headache, kids will wake up, the neighbors will hear, just not connecting, etc, etc. I always accepted her excuses because I was in love and wanted to understand her. Last year she made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to have sex with me anymore and if I was looking for it, it was just not going to happen. I tried for a year to rebuild our relationship. We had all professional resources available to us. All along she was very clear she just didn’t want to or had the intention of getting back on the relationship.
We’re in the middle of separation this year. It took a year for me to accept that the person I thought I married was just not real. In her eyes, I’m just a mistake she doesn’t want to repeat. So, I’m giving her what she wants. Alimony doesn’t last forever, and children grow up. I married to have a life partner who also wants to be happy with me and has her s*%t together. There is no excuse to stay in a relationship if you’re not happy anymore. It’s not my job to make her happy if she can’t find her own internal joy for life. I didn’t want to measure my marriage by how much sex we had but, the old timers are right, and it’s confirmed by modern psychology, if you’re not having sex, there is something wrong with your relationship.
I was too blind and stupid to see it because I was in love. My grandparents stayed together for over seventy years. My grandmother told me how difficult it was for a period of time but, they both had full intentions to fix and make amendments to what was wrong. The rough part was talking about it but they both knew the value of each other. These are people who were born in the 1920s! In the end, perhaps I was expecting too much from my ex. She just didn’t fit the caliber of people who raised me. Maybe I don’t fit it either. So yes, people might lose their sexual desire for each other over time but, if you don’t care about the relationship, you will find any excuse available to abandon it.